Remember those days, brimming with youthful energy, when our hearts overflowed with ambition, fueled by the purest intentions? We dreamt of changing the world, of uplifting our communities, of leaving a mark that resonated with the divine. These aspirations, like cascading waterfalls, tumbled from a place of innocence.
But somewhere along the path, for many of us, the waters of hope seem to have receded. Did the responsibilities of marriage, work, and family dam the flow of those dreams? Did the whispers of worldly desires drown out the call to something greater?
Perhaps it’s not a matter of blame, but a gentle nudge we need. A reminder that we must strive to stay connected to those aspirations, especially those connected to the heavens…they are the flow we need when life begins to run dry.
In many ways, Sanad has been an attempt to preserve that riverbed in me – a place where the current of my hopes and dreams can remain in motion pulled by the gravity of faith, my children, my mortality, and the responsibilities I have towards each.
Imam Haddad advises us to “…reflect on the wonders of Allah’s dazzling creation, the inward and outward signs of His Ability, and the signs He has scattered abroad in the Realm of the earth and the heavens.”
Just like a river, our journey may encounter rocks and rapids, obstacles that threaten to capsize our resolve. But the river, if kept alive, finds a way around and ultimately continues its course. We too can be like these rivers.
I have been blessed to witness hidden lakes, nestled atop mountains, their waters cascading down in a symphony that has played for millennia. Their enduring flow is a beacon of hope for me, a testament to Allah’s unwavering protection of our aspirations and that He can safeguard our dreams until the day all earthly rivers run dry.
Each of us possesses a riverbed of ideas and hopes. We can’t allow them to stagnate. I pray we can all be forever inspired by the current of our dreams. May our spouses, families, and work be the tributaries that carry us towards ever-more beautiful destinations downstream.
I pray these words are received as a conversation, not a conclusion. Where have your dreams taken you? How can we rekindle the flow of our aspirations and use them to nourish the world around us? Share your thoughts in the comments below, and together, let us keep our rivers flowing.
Rehan.Climbs is a newsletter series about life as a father and founder. Join the ascent by subscribing below, let’s climb together!
I’m an organizational psychologist, father & founder. After completing graduate school at Teacher’s College, Columbia University in New York I spent formative time with students & scholars at Dar al Mustafa in Tarim. I’ve worked with the UNHCR in Geneva & taught social sciences as an adjunct professor in Miami. I write, speak, & consult on parenting, education, & institution-building. I’m honored to serve as the executive director of Sanad Trust Foundation, a nonprofit that provides education, wellness, & community programs for children, families, & elders.
It was my last day in Tarim, and I didn’t want to leave. With a mix of sadness and anticipation, I walked into the classroom on another hot summer day in 2004. Though hesitant, I was drawn in by the magnetic pull of Sh. Ibrahim’s voice and spirit. I found my place on the floor amongst the other students, everything still surreal. How did a kid from Miami end up here without any connection to the people, the place, and their piety?
As much as I didn’t want this experience to close on that day, I honestly didn’t even understand how it ever opened. It was only when Allah placed it upon Sh. Ibrahim’s heart to teach us about Allah’s attributes that I began to have a clue.
He taught us that Allah is the Creator of everything, including moments and each of the infinitesimal fractions of time that make up a moment. Allah brings them into existence and then into a state of non-existence, just as they once were. And He does this for every moment, at all times.
Our lives and experiences are constantly moving through their present to their past, their own beginning and end. We are the sum of these moments.
So on that day, in that moment, I was reminded that I am always a creation experiencing a Creator bringing my life and its experiences into and out of existence. Just as this time in Tarim was once behind a closed door that Allah opened, I understood another would open as this one closed.
Sh. Ibrahim’s lesson was one of humility and hope.
As the waning moon of Ramadan 1445AH now foretells its coming end, we should have the humility to know there was no guarantee it would have been opened for us this year, but Allah allowed it to be. And we should also have hope in the new doors that Allah will open for us.
What are they? Where will they lead? Be open-eyed and ready.
In my life as a father and founder of Sanad, I have seen that the smallest of decisions can have the biggest outcomes, the most unexpected of opportunities can lead to the greatest destinations, and that a sincere heart is often the best key.
Until the next step,
Rehan
Consider supporting Sanad during these blessed last days of Ramadan.Learn about our Doors to Blessings campaign today.
Rehan.Climbs is a newsletter series about life as a father and founder. Join the ascent by subscribing below, let’s climb together!
I’m an organizational psychologist, father & founder. After completing graduate school at Teacher’s College, Columbia University in New York I spent formative time with students & scholars at Dar al Mustafa in Tarim. I’ve worked with the UNHCR in Geneva & taught social sciences as an adjunct professor in Miami. I write, speak, & consult on parenting, education, & institution-building. I’m honored to serve as the executive director of Sanad Trust Foundation, a nonprofit that provides education, wellness, & community programs for children, families, & elders.
People. At home and in the masjid, I like to pray next to my son. When he was younger I would hold his hand as we found a place for two. Now that he’s older, I don’t need to hold his hand, we remain close by habit. Our taraweeh prayer is a chess game of finding a spot for two and then moving up rows via carefully mapped routes as men slowly retreat after each pair of raka’at. When there is only room for one we play the humble game for a second, nudging the other forward; I usually nudge a little harder to have him go ahead.
Whether it’s in prayer or another act of sulook, keep the people most dear to you – especially spouse and children – close on your path to Allah and in your love of His Messenger (peace be upon him).
Process. Sanad is built on sound faith-inspired processes. We are also built on a financial model that relies on tuition/service-based income, donations, grants, and an endowment. When you build an organization from intention to implementation on a faith-inspired design, then your processes can never be compromised. In a recent conversation with our team about a potentially large grant and increased enrollment, this is what we reminded each other about. We have a process, and we are dedicated to be true and authentic to it in every way — no matter the consequence. We must never be driven by external needs, but by sound and sincere, faith-inspired processes. For Muslim-led organizations, they are critical in diffusing any sense of desperation or external demands often found in hopes of expedited growth.
Principles. There is a left turn lane to an on ramp to the highway my family and I have to take on our daily commute to Sanad. It’s a poorly designed setup, with the single lane splitting into two just before the left turn to the ramp up. Cars from the thru lanes to the right always jump into the second left lane after the split, backing up traffic and invariably clogging the flow of cars in the intersection. They seem to think those of us who have been patiently waiting in the appropriate turning lane are not intelligent enough to figure out this remarkable traffic hack.
I have learned that being a teacher, father, and founder means I have to live by the principles I expect of others in public and private. This is often easier said than done, but in that car every morning my kids see principles cross into all aspects of life. For this reason, I never regret the minute lost staying in the right lane.
My life’s path is shaped by the people I love, the processes I follow, and the principles I hold dear. Which one shapes yours the most?
Rehan.Climbs is a newsletter series about life as a father and founder. Join the ascent by subscribing below, let’s climb together!
I’m an organizational psychologist, educator, father & founder. After completing graduate school at Teacher’s College, Columbia University in New York I spent formative time with students & scholars at Dar al Mustafa in Tarim. I’ve worked with the UNHCR in Geneva & taught social sciences as an adjunct professor in Miami. I write, speak, & consult on parenting, education, & institution-building. I’m honored to serve as the founding executive director of Sanad Trust Foundation, a nonprofit that provides education, wellness, & community programs for children, families, & elders.
Given its context, one of the most resonating lessons on empathy can be found in To Kill a Mockingbird, when Atticus says to his daughter, “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view… until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.”
After I turned 40, every Ramadan I try to “sit” with the Prophet and consider things from his point of view – peace and blessings be upon him and his family. During all those days and nights, when he walked alone and retreated to the Cave of Hira to sit above the valley looking upon his family home below, what were his thoughts for them, their future and his. What were his hopes, aspirations, dreams, and plans?
For me, in this phase of my life, as I try to navigate my work with Sanad Trust Foundation and my life with my family — it is the Prophet Muhammad’s introspection, his retreat to nature, and his planning that I find most meaningful.
It is what allows me to see in my children and my students at Sanad Prep, a universe of potential. They are each a star in the cosmic sense, capable of doing more than we imagine even for our own selves. This is what we must plan for.
And there is no better time to plan than Ramadan — it is a window into a universe of possibilities. A secret unveiled to the Prophet on a blessed Ramadan night 1400 years ago. A secret that showed there was no time like now. And that beyond this world of effort there is a Creator that responds beyond a capacity we can understand.
This is the month to contemplate the hopes and dreams we have for our family, our work, and our outcomes. Let’s look up at Ramadan’s night skies and then at our lives.
Then, let’s plan on the canvas of this month’s limitless possibilities, knowing that Allah is able to have our lives — as well as the people and work connected to them — shine as bright as He permits and form the magnificent constellations He designs for them. Let us walk, retreat, reflect, and plan like the Prophet (peace be upon him) did — deeply and meaningfully.
May Allah make this a month of praying and planning…of divine guidance and limitless response from Allah…of correcting course and aiming for the stars. Be a man (or woman) with a plan.
– Rehan
I’m an organizational psychologist, educator, father & founder. After completing graduate school at Teacher’s College, Columbia University in New York I spent formative time with students & scholars at Dar al Mustafa in Tarim. I’ve worked with the UNHCR in Geneva & taught social sciences as an adjunct professor in Miami. I write, speak, & consult on parenting, education, & institution-building. I’m honored to serve as the founding executive director of Sanad Trust Foundation, a nonprofit that provides education, wellness, & community programs for children, families, & elders.
Today I am taking the first step toward the next phase of my life’s journey. I am afraid. I have had this foot raised for a long while. It lands today, finally, with heart racing and eyes closed.
Most often we speak and write and share from a presumed or privileged position of authority. That others should care about what we have to say.
This is not that. My voice is speaking from a place of vulnerability, probably even a place of worry. Do I have the audacity to believe my words matter?
It’s just that I have been wanting to share words in my mind and heart for some time. My wife, my children, my brother, and even my parents still catch what they can when my heart overflows. But, that’s not always fair to them or to my heart.
What if I expanded the walls I have placed on my heart and mind? What if I removed the fears I have placed as guards at the edges looking down upon me? What if I disarmed the doubts I have allowed others to point at me?
What if I added doors to my thoughts and windows to my dreams? And, then, what if I added a path where they start…and slowly began the climb onward and upward?
I don’t know where this will end, but I know I must begin.
I place this effort in God’s hands. He knows my intention and hope. I ask Him to protect me.
I hope you will join me on the journey ahead. Good companions are welcome. And even if you can only support me from a distance, I am sure I will feel it.
All posts going forward will be made on the rehan.climbs page, I hope you will meet me there.
I will share more in the coming days. For now, today, this foot needed to land. The first step needed to be taken.
I hope my father would be proud.
Let’s climb together.
– Rehan
I’m an organizational psychologist, educator, father & founder. After completing graduate school at Teacher’s College, Columbia University in New York I spent formative time with students & scholars at Dar al Mustafa in Tarim. I’ve worked with the UNHCR in Geneva & taught social sciences as an adjunct professor in Miami. I write, speak, & consult on parenting, education, & institution-building. I’m honored to serve as the founding executive director of Sanad Trust Foundation, a nonprofit that provides education, wellness, & community programs for children, families, & elders.
Islamic tradition places the knowledge of God at the forefront in the pursuit of education. It further delineates a clear pathway to achieve this objective through the character and example of the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him. But what does this mean in the current North American context? Wouldn’t following this literally limit us in pursuing secular and other worldly knowledge? As a parent, guardian or care taker, how do I keep this intention and purpose alive and integral in the lives of children without compromising on their intellectual/academic pursuits?
Primacy of Knowledge
In order to answer these questions, we have to first understand three things;
The origin and source of all knowledge is God
The science of adab teaches us how to interact with and use every type of knowledge
Practicing that knowledge allows us to derive benefit from it, for ourselves and or others
The answer to the first question is clear and simple- we are not commanded to limit our pursuit to revealed knowledge alone, in fact we are commanded to pursue various sources of knowledge, worldly and sacred, revealed and experienced as all knowledge is knowledge of God. Islamic history and tradition bears witness to this commitment as the birth of the Renaissance is directly inspired by the Golden Age of the Muslims. When we understand knowledge through this lens, we realize that prioritizing this purpose for our children’s education does not jeopardize their intellectual and worldly growth. In fact, it is when we ignore this purpose, that their growth (intellectual and spiritual) is endangered and their character development at risk. Answering the second question requires some elaboration though. And it begins with understanding that the pursuit of education begins with the adab of education. Absent this, our children begin their journey that is inherently deficient and inadequate.
In modern context, knowledge is organized under a wide umbrella of specialized sciences (i.e. a compilation of ideas, thoughts, concepts, experiences recorded over a period of time and categorized under a specific subject matter). Knowledge has multifurcated into an enormous tree whose branches have grown so far and wide that a connection to its roots and origin seem to have gotten lost over time. Restoring this connection is essential to this pursuit and must be integral to the choices we make every step along the way. Secondarily, teaching the appropriate method of how to interact with any given knowledge (adab) is key to character development, intellectual growth and fulfillment of human potential. Educational institutions don’t just teach our children knowledge, the type of knowledge they impart instills in them the value and importance of knowledge that matters and holds merit. So if sacred knowledge or knowledge of God is completely absent from this process, so is the value and importance of that type of knowledge.
The human being is inherently gifted with certain faculties that deserve preservation, development and growth. According to Imam Fakhr Al-din al Razi, a human being is born with two faculties, the theoretical and the practical. The theoretical faculty is comprised of two primary sources of knowledge, divine and sensory perception. While the practical faculty involves action through experience and development of human character. Al Razi considered the composition of human essence to be its soul and believed that the two faculties can be perfected only through the capacity of the soul. The Islamic tradition and worldview also places great emphasis on the preservation and refinement of the human soul. It further holds that all other faculties are interconnected and rely on this faculty to help the human being fully realize its gifts and capacities. The Quran is therefore a primary source that can be accessed for theoretical knowledge in addition to sensory perception. Concomitantly, Prophetic character is the epitome of practical knowledge that can help refine and perfect good character in a human being. Everything else flows from and comes after establishing this as a fundamental.
Modern modes of education are devoid of these two fundamentals in the pursuit of education. Development of human character through active acknowledgment and refinement of the human soul is almost a non-existent concept in modern education, even in faith based schools. The focus of “modern” and secular education is and remains how to derive worldly benefit from the sensory perception knowledge available to us at hand. Precisely due to this, children do not naturally develop a holistic worldview which places God at the center of their life. The absence of this primal connection to divine knowledge is treated as an afterthought. Parents step in to fill the gap but face great challenges in reconciling between the two worldviews. A duality and conflict eventually emerges in our children’s mind because the worldview they are developing at school may not align with the moral, and ethical standards that are inspired by faith. In fact, many of those standards are at odds with each other and when presented with the choice, our kids gravitate towards the view they are more familiar with and have grown accustomed to on a day to day basis. It is natural for them to incline towards what sounds and looks familiar and not necessarily what is ethical, moral or correct. Their minds are never trained to discern between truth and falsehood. Rather, they simply become subjective recipients who must learn and specialize in knowledge of the worldly sciences so they can get “good jobs” and climb higher on the ladder of socio economic status.
A Holistic Worldview
The dominant worldview our kids are exposed to at most schools is not a holistic view but rather that of an ever evolving and precarious social environment. Even in Islamic schools where faith should be front and center, it is instead an addendum that’s added to a child’s day via an Islamic studies class. It’s a place that looks and feels “Muslim” but does not embody nor reflect ideals of high moral/ethical character. That’s how our children’s frame of reference is being developed and over time, it only solidifies its foothold on the mind and heart. As the children mature into adulthood, they may cast doubt on the “old”, and dated version of faith. Their default is not to connect back to their roots or critically think about their precepts but rather, adopt the easier of the two worldviews to retain a “normal” American identity. Instead of engaging with and trying to understand the Islamic worldview, they may stand in front of it, blocking the very light that can help guide their way. Instead, what they experience and witness is a shadow that looks familiar but appears dark and shapeless, lacking any color, life, vibrancy, beauty and rigor. That’s why where our kids “stand” with their faith matters- physically, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually. When they are young, this is our responsibility. As their “standing” may determine whether they are obstructing the light of faith or can build the capacity to reflect it.
A Sacred Trust & Responsibility
Something I have observed in all children(as a parent and an educator of over a decade), even those not born into Muslim households is the desire and gravitation towards their fitra (primordial nature to know and understand God through discovering the natural world). Children are not just naturally curious about exploring their environments but also seem interested in understanding the “why”, the purpose for why things are the way they are. They gravitate towards finding meaning and purpose for things. They heavily rely on the environment and the people within those environments to help make sense of their curiosity and questions. The answers they find and receive begin to shape their ideas about right and wrong/ good or bad. They also express (even if in limited capacity) things they are naturally interested in and want to be around. We as parents don’t always do a good job “listening” to their cues. Our hearing is oftentimes biased or coloured by our own expectations for them. This is not easy for any parent to do (Muslim or not) but it is something we cannot and should not ignore. It is one of the keys to helping our children find their true potential in life. It is a part of our sacred trust and responsibility as parents and in the truest sense of the word “guardians”.
The bare minimum we must do as parents is to ensure that we are not obstructing the light of faith from reaching our children. So when we choose the “elite” private school over an Islamic school or homeschooling, or blended education models like that of Sanad Prep, we may be standing in the way of faith reaching our children. And although we feel good about sending them to the occasional Sunday school or after-school program, it will not meet the bar to help develop a sound, strong and holistic identity in our children. Blunt and outright, it is our responsibility to bring the light of faith into their lives through an active and living force on a daily basis. Are we doing that for our children? Are we doing that for ourselves? Are we ignoring the institutions that are right in front of us because of our personal biases, lifestyle choices, class status and entertainment priorities? Are we accepting the invitation to prioritize faith and preserve the best of what our children have the capacity to develop; i.e knowledge of God.
If we ignore the first two fundamentals (the source of all knowledge and the method of how to interact with it, i.e adab), practice alone bereft knowledge of its essence and its meaning. The choice is not simply between academic/worldly success and faith, but rather a life devoid of meaning, or one with meaning. So, how do we help keep faith front and center in our children’s lives? The answer is not as complicated as we make it sometimes. It is by putting faith front and center in our lives and in the lives of our children. It is by accepting the invitation to do good, when the opportunity presents itself. It is to remove our biases and choose for the reasons that are worthy and truly matter. It is by asking ourselves what our choices reflect about our views and our priorities. The choice is in our hands, not our children. May God give us the capacity to choose wisely and prioritize that which is everlasting and true over that which is temporary and fleeting. Aameen.
Attiqawas born in Pakistan and raised for the first decade of her life in her native country. She migrated to Montreal, Canada at age 11 and completed her undergraduate studies earning a BComm with a major in finance and a minor in economics and women’s studies. She has continued to pursue her academic dreams through obtaining an Islamic teacher education program certificate, and language enrichment programs in Arabic and Islamic studies. She earned a graduate certificate in nonprofit management with the Harvard Extension School in 2020 and continues her professional and academic training through local and online opportunities. She is fluent in English, Urdu, and Punjabi and can communicate in French as well. She lives with her husband Rehan Mirza and their two children in Miami, Florida. Her ethnic, racial, religious, and socio-economic background has shaped her pluralistic outlook on life and the world.
Inspired by the way of the Prophetic community, the intention of the Neighborhood Halaqa is to come together for the purpose of remembering Allah and reflecting on Prophetic character. Every member of a family and community is invited to travel together in spiritual development and to improve our relationship with Allah, His messenger, and our faith.
The Neighborhood Halaqa is our humble effort to provide a sanctuary for children, young adults, parents, and professionals to come together to travel on this path together.
For this special in- person Winter Neighborhood Halaqa, we wanted to have a sense of a rihla or travel in search of knowledge (in this case, also travel to seek good company or suhba :). This, so that we can get away from the day-to-day grind we have all experienced. We are big on nature and Allah’s natural world at Sanad Trust, so the other main objective was to be in a setting which embraces us with His beautiful natural world. Finally, we wanted all this to be safe. Sixteen distinct natural communities create the mosaic that is Jonathan Dickinson, the largest state park in Southeast Florida. So we have plenty of space and the largest pavilion in the park reserved.
More details about the program can be found on the website.
As a new husband and father nearly a decade ago it was important to me that my family make a concerted effort to remain close to one another and to God. I saw how this effort was made by the Prophet (peace be upon him) and our righteous predecessors for ages. My wife shared this belief alhamdulillah, so together along with a few other families, we began an effort to come together to remember Allah and the example of His beloved messenger (peace be upon him). This included both the reflection on the words of scholars and dhikr from the Quran and Sunnah.
We knew that it was critical for every member of the household to be a part of this gathering. Our spiritual growth as a family required us to, at least in part, walk a shared spiritual path. This halaqa as it was and now as it is in the form of the Neighborhood Halaqa gives us this opportunity. It has been a beacon, calling us back to a well-lit path.
The pandemic forced us all to retreat in so many ways, but this effort should never be neglected. That’s why we are so excited for relaunch of the Neighborhood Halaqa at Sanad Trust Foundation. It means that our children can resume the epic tales of adventure and learn about their spiritual potential through the original children’s story read at the beginning of the Neighborhood Halaqa; and our teenage nephews can hear beneficial words from youth leaders and mentors inspiring their spiritual growth; and that my friends, my mother, my wife and I can be reminded to aspire for a better a version of ourselves. And all this in the same gathering that ends with the dhikr of Allah.
I’d like to think this is how the gathering of families of the companions and the righteous predecessors felt like in some small way. My family and I are looking forward to the Neighborhood Halaqa and the good company of family and friends, new and old. I hope you will join us insha’Allah.
Who I am as a person, what I believe in and how I interact with the world around me. These questions are all fragments, small parts of a bigger whole that makes up me. Like pieces of a puzzle, there are parts of me that interact and live with so many other parts of myself at a micro level and even more parts of the society at a macro level. Just like the small fragments reflect a bigger picture of me, individual portraits of each of us makes up our communities and our world. They are all interconnected,intertwined and intermingled with one another. Nothing exists in silos.
Conventional understanding paired education and character development under one umbrella. In fact, the function of education was in part character development. Education meant that a person was being afforded the opportunity to learn, develop and grow emotionally, personally, and spiritually. Education would result in a positive transformation for the individual who would continue to give back to the bigger whole of society and this cycle would continue. The cycle, however, has been disrupted. And we need to be aware of its implications for you, me and us…AS A WHOLE.
I read a book on the life of Mahatma Gandhi at around age 13. I remember many things from that book but one thing that resonated the most is the quote “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” This impacted me deeply even then but I would come to understand its reality much later in life. To date, I have a frame hanging in my 10 year old son’s bedroom that reads the same quote. It’s almost intuitive to put something up on the wall, as if a part of us believes that if we looked at it enough, we may become that. That’s not why I have it there though. I interact with that quote everyday. Especially when it gets hard and sometimes, it gets hard but the frame serves as a reminder of why I need to push through and move onward. These words don’t just live inside of me, they are a part of who I am. It is shaping the upbringing of my children, in how I interact with my husband and family, in how I treat my neighbors and what contributions I make to the lives of students around me. Small parts that make up a big whole. It is the small things that matter a lot; like having family dinners together, having tea with your spouse, or stopping everything to just watch the butterfly your little toddler is mesmerized by. These small things have big value. They translate into meaningful moments and really add up to beautify your life as a whole.
We do not see ourselves as fragments. We see ourselves as a whole. And from that angle, our flaws and our strengths sometimes fade. We lose our balance and because of it, a way to stay grounded in the middle. We dwindle on the polar extremes of the spectrum, bouncing from one end to the other without any virtuous field that can magnetize us back to the middle and be the guide as our true Northstar. This imbalance particularly becomes an issue when we don’t appreciate the value of the small fragments that make up the whole. As small pieces, our strengths may shrink when we need to hold on to them most and our flaws expand when we need to contain them within parameters. We fail to see our faults at all or only see our faults and nothing good. These are polarized extremes and we all seem to be getting pushed towards embracing these extremes. Sometimes by choice but mostly by ignorance and oblivion. The vast majority of us were raised to value virtues of honesty, integrity, generosity, and justice. They are no longer values but rather static attributes that we like to hang in frames on our walls. They signify to our friends and family that we believe in good values as we make lip service to their presence in our lives. In reality though, they are just token attributes that wane very quickly against the backdrop of our daily actions. These universally held values act like forces that bind us together in our humanity. When they no longer remain universal, society as a whole is threatened. Our fragments are different but they combine to make a beautiful whole because we understand the value of each piece. If we devalue each piece, the whole collapses on itself. This is precisely what the modern world has done to our value system. It has become a footnote that we may occasionally mention but mostly leave it at the bottom, just as a reference point in case the need arises to access it.
Education is a big part of society. Character education is even bigger. And makes society what it is. An invaluable conduit that disseminates knowledge and prepares the next generation to take their place in the world. If smaller parts of this big force are infiltrated and become corrupt, the bigger picture begins to lose its form. In a society driven by race for trends, modernity and consumerism, it’s hardly a surprise that we are being subsumed by these forces more than pursuing them freely by our intentional will. Things that used to have substantial meaning and purpose are being questioned or doubted in the name of reason and science. Values that were once seen as universal phenomenon are voraciously debated. The world I see for myself and my children is more expansive, more tolerant, and more meaningful. A world that tugs and pushes towards polarizing one another pushes itself to its demise. I want to show my children that my curiosity, doubts and struggles do not amount to devaluing things around me. Rather, it teaches me to learn the real value of things and strive to find their right place. In this world and the universe. A society that affords us the freedom to question and doubt faith, should also offer the same right to affirm it and hold on to its essence. Reason, logic and science are central to education because they are its brain power. Faith, values and ethics are central to education because they are its heart. They work together to form a complete whole.
The agencies and mechanisms that cultivate virtuous character traits in us have drastically changed. In modern times, the education system is not designed to teach my son or daughter to be honest or dishonest. It’s designed to teach them mastery of subject matters like math, science, english, etc. Our children may be recognized as honourable citizens through stickers that read “Your child did the right thing” when they display a virtuous act but that may be the extent of character development in most cases. Character development is an active science that needs to be taught like math, english and science. It needs to be cultivated in a human being with diligent, active and concerted effort. It is our communinal right and responsibility to be aware of this first. Only then can we begin to evaluate the options we are choosing for our children.
This is not a small matter but requires each of us to look closely at our small daily choices and actions. Until we commit to that with honesty and sincerity, our intentions, efforts and capacity to educate our children in the way and manner that follows prophetic guidance will remain incomplete at best and risky at worst. For their life here and the next. May Allah guide our hearts and minds to His messenger’s light, his way and practice. May He give us the enabling grace to instill in them good adab with Allah, His messenger peace be upon him, and His creation. If we can preserve adab, we give ourselves a good chance to not just preserve good in all humanity but also the hope in humanity. Our prophet peace be upon him was sent to perfect good character. Adab is the way of achieving that good character. And through it, being the change we wish to see in the world.
Sanad Trust Foundation began with the intention to preserve the heart of a child. Now it has grown in an effort to preserve the family. I’m grateful for this sanctuary in the midst of the business of life. Family and a sense of family are fundamental to spiritual and emotional well-being. We must strive to be of sound heart and mind for the sake of one another. I’m grateful that Sanad Trust helps in trying to facilitate this. From big ideas to small, every bit helps. One program that is most meaningful in this regard is the Sanad Neighborhood Halaqa. It’s a unique learning program in which the entire family participates. One of it’s secrets is the original adventure stories written for it’s youngest participants. Currently we’re writing and reading the story of two sea turtles, Dip & Dive. We invite you and your family to join us for the next Neighborhood Halaqa at Sanad Trust Foundation. Below is an excerpt of Dip & Dive.
Narrated Abu Hurayrah: Allah’s Apostle said: Let him be humbled into dust; let him be humbled into dust. It was said: Allah’s Messenger, who is he? He said: He who sees either of his parents during their old age or he sees both of them, but he does not enter Paradise. (Sahih Muslim).
“Your Lord has commanded that you worship none but Him, and that you be kind to your parents. If one or both of them reach old age with you, do not say to them a word of disrespect, or scold them, but say a generous word to them. And act humbly to them in mercy, and say, ‘My Lord, have mercy on them, since they cared for me when I was small” (17: 23-24).
We’ve all heard these ayat and hadith that remind us about our duty to our parents (and grandparents). It’s something that I’ve been thinking about more and more as I get older (and wiser 🙂), and as my parents grow older in age. What am I doing to fulfill their rights? Am I doing enough? How do I teach my children about this important concept in our faith? That last question really stuck with me. I just know that I’ll be one of those parents who in their old age will bug their kids to spend time with them and make sure that every one of my rights are met. So how do I begin to teach my children about fulfilling my rights? Like all other good behaviors we want our children to learn, the earlier we instill them, the better. And what better way to instill them than to model them myself? To teach them, I would need to show them how I value and care for my parents.
Alhamdulillah, my parents and in-laws are all in good health and are very self-sufficient. They’re happy doing things for themselves and would prefer not having to ask for help. While that’s a great blessing, it does mean that I need to be more creative about how I ensure that their rights are fulfilled and that I’m giving them the care, love, and value that they deserve. One way to do this is to be very deliberate in all my (and my children’s) interactions with them to make sure that we are always showing a lot of appreciation and gratitude toward them, and by doing things to show them that we value them. My hope is that it will be inculcated in my children to carry on what they see and learn about how to appreciate elders. Here are a few examples of the interactions we have with our parents/grandparents.. They are all quite simple and can be adapted by almost any family.
Connecting with Visits and Phone Calls
There’s plenty of research about the benefits of children spending time with their grandparents and vice versa. These benefits range from children learning values and wisdom and receiving unconditional love from grandparents to grandparents keeping mentally sharp and decreasing their chance of depression when spending time with grandchildren. So it just makes good sense to make it a point to spend quality time with each other as we all (grandparents, parents, and grandchildren) have something to gain.
We’re fortunate to live near our parents so we make sure that we visit them at least once a week. On these visits, we like to bring over a meal or baked goods that the kids helped prepare. My father and my boys love watching American Ninja Warrior together, while my father-in-law and my boys enjoy watching cricket matches, so I try to visit on days that they can watch together and bond. My boys also enjoy helping their grandparents do yard work or taking walks with them. Most times we just simply hang out – chatting around the dinner table or swinging in their hammock. These visits are easy to plan and are an extremely meaningful way to build the connection between generations.
Although we visit weekly, we also make it a point to call our parents and for our children to call their grandparents to check-in on them regularly. The grandparents absolutely love when the kids call just to say “hi” and chat about their day. Similarly, if my parents call me, I make sure to never ignore the call and my children know this. It’s rare that my parents call on me for help with something, so whenever they do I drop whatever I’m doing to attend to their needs. I want my children to see and acknowledge these small but meaningful interactions with my parents and my effort to make sure they are pleased so they too can do the same for their own parents.
Learning from Their Skills, Talents, and Experience
Parents and grandparents have a wealth of skills and talents that they’ve obtained over their many years. Asking them to share their knowledge and experience is a great way to show that they are valued and loved and a great way to enrich ourselves and our children.
One of my sons recently needed some extra help in math. Me, being a Learning Coach myself, could’ve tutored him on my own, but after giving it some thought, I decided to ask my father-in-law who is a retired math and electronics teacher to tutor him a few times a week. My father-in-law was happy to help and came up with a detailed plan that included worksheets and all. I could tell it meant a lot to him to be able to teach his grandson and share his skills and knowledge on a subject that he’s passionate about.
Last year, when my other son was learning about electrical circuits, he told my father-in-law all about what he learned. I could see he was excited because this was his professional background. A light bulb went off. We invited him to visit the Sanad Prep Learning Center and do a demonstration on circuits with my son’s class. He took a lot of pride in putting together his presentation and it was a big hit with the students. It was great to see him in action with the kids, to see how they benefited from his knowledge, and to see him feel appreciated.
My mother enjoys sewing so whenever our clothes need altering or mending, she’s our go-to person. Many times we’ll sit and watch her use the sewing machine or mend things by hand. It brings her great joy to be able to help her kids and grand kids and to pass down this unique skill that she learned from her mom.
There are some cultural foods that the older generations just make better than anyone else. Once in a while we’ll ask my mom or mother-in-law to make one of these specialty foods for us. They feel special knowing that we’ll only ask them to make it. We’ve also set up cooking tutorials where they teach us how to make these foods. Not only are we learning to carry on our cultural traditions, but we have a ton of fun doing it and spending time together.
These are just a few of the interactions we try to implement to show our love, care, and value for our parents/grandparents. While having a list of ideas to act upon is great, one of the many lessons I’ve learned in parenting is that doing actions alone or talking alone are not enough. Actions need to be followed up with conversation. And talks need to be followed up with action. We make it a point to talk to our children about the things we do with our parents and why we do them. We help them understand that their grandparents have a lot to offer and that we are blessed to have them in our lives. These conversations and actions really help to bring home the idea of how we can fulfill our parents rights. Like most things in our faith, it’s really simple and can come naturally, and once done with intention can have great rewards.
May Allah help us fulfill the rights of our parents and may He envelop them in His Mercy. Ameen
The evolution of friendships is an interesting thing. I remember hearing once that we can grow out of friendships; I imagine we can grow into friendships as well. Working to establish the Sanad Trust Foundation has been challenging, to say the least, and it remains hard. So, the support of wife, children, family and friends is meaningful and uplifting. I wanted to give a shout out to a couple of friends who have been on my mind recently. Actually, the shout out is to types of friends, because I hope many of us have them?
A shout out to the childhood friend who’s house I used to sleepover at and vice versa. Who I use to get in trouble with, laugh with, share my feelings with…and then lost touch with. But somehow, in spite of the distance and lost time, the love remained and remains. When I share my work with Sanad Trust with him he shows admiration. When I needed something for students, he not only sends the gift but a short and to-the-point note, “Salam Ree, I am glad I could help your school. I support your dream, my brother! Much Love.” It’s a note I treasure and keep in my office, in the same the frame I have my CU diploma. I do so to remind me of a voice in myself that keeps me grounded in our work at Sanad, focused, and undistracted. A voice that reminds me we are all trying to go back to that place of innocence, where we once were.
A shout out to the friend who swings by Sanad and brings lunch. It lets me know I still exist. Sure I have may have tabled many professional opportunities to grind it out for my children and establish Sanad, but I can still feel cool having lunch with friends in my “office”. Plus, getting hooked up with lunch helps my budget and the good conversation is never taken for granted by me. It may just be lunch, but it still reminds me I am relevant — that’s a human need for everyone.
Shout out to the friend that I grew up with who I never got deep with spiritually, but now is an inspiration. We never talked deen growing up, but now you’re teaching me when we speak. When you privately share your personal struggles, anxiety, and needs and ask for support and dua from me, it means so many things. It forces me to be better. It humbles me. Makes me grateful. You give me an opportunity to share good I’ve heard from my teachers and learned from my late father (Allah have mercy on them both). It reminds me that a friend should trust another friend to be able to share what’s in their heart. Not many people are able to do that for each other. I am touched that we still can.
Shout out to the childhood friend who I see in random places, but never have random conversations with. It’s like our discussions resume where they last stopped. That’s special. Not many people are able to have these types of connected conversations any more. When I opened the envelope you sent in the early days of Sanad Trust with your donation and a note that said keep this between us, it confirmed who you are.
Shout out to the friend who stands by my side in face of the monumental task of getting Sanad Trust firmly established for posterity. We can look at each other and start tearing up about the project, not because we are scared, but because of the opportunity of immeasurable good Allah has given us and our family to be a part of this work. I feel you. No words needed. We will get it done insha’Allah.
Shout to the friend who can’t give much, but quietly, privately and sincerely prays for your wellbeing, strength, and success so much that you feel their dua when you’re with them. They don’t have to say a word. This is more valuable than you know. We need more of this private love. It helps me, it helps my work at Sanad, but more than anything it just helps the world. Keep it up. Lord knows I need it, Sanad Trust needs it, and the world for sure needs it. May Allah accept.
Shout out to the brother who’s a first-friend, a Haroon-Musa type of friend, unbreakable. When the world shakes they keep you steady. When challenges spin, they remain the same. When everything and everyone runs away, you know they will still be standing where you last saw them. No surprises; they’re not going anywhere.
Finally, shout to friends who bring that negative energy. I know there is barakah in you too. Sometimes it just takes a minute for me to get it, but when Allah lifts veils I can see it’s all good. You do you, I will do me. Masha’Allah.
If you’re a friend showing light and love to others, I appreciate you. Be good, do good, shine bright, life is short, walk straight, give love, be quiet, hold a hand, move forward, and…be a friend.
